Junk in the Trunk <pt 2>

He knows your name. He knows more about you than you may even know about yourself. He’s been studying you meticulously. He knows your weak areas, your strong areas, and he’s quite crafty. He is devising a plan tailored just for you. Just perfectly formulated to destroy you. He’s coming for you, and he came for me.

”Be well balanced and always alert, because your enemy, the devil roams around incessantly, like a roaring lion looking for it‘s prey to devour.”- 1 Peter 5:8

I know. What an opener, Bethany! So encouraging, huh?! Well, friends, be encouraged, because we already have the victory! But do we know that? This is the question that will determine every move forward. So, ask yourself again: Do I know that I, being unified with Christ, already defeated the enemy ? Oh, how I am learning to embrace this precious token of knowledge because I found myself in the midst of a fierce battle recently and I showed up with the wrong weapons, at first...

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."- 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5

<If you haven’t already, you may want to check out Junk in the Trunk posted last week>

Let’s pick up right where we left off. So, on this particular morning, before my eyes were even open, I hopped right on the scale. I’m suprised I could even read the number with my blurry, just saw the first light of day, eyes! Oh, I saw it alright. At that moment, I instantly felt so many different emotions rushing through my body. I was devasted and I was angry! I felt so much hopelessness in that moment, and I plopped down on the edge of my bathtub and looked up to God and asked Him why He wouldn’t just help me with this. This is something I have felt very ”stuck” in ever since giving birth to my third angel. And, I do mean angel literally. I was told I could never have a baby at a very young age, and here I am with three precious gifts. *Cue the teary eyes*. More on that later, though.

Let me be totally raw right now. This is the truth. The ugly truth, but the real truth. That frustrated cry out to God that morning was also my first glance at my loving Father. My loving Father that watched over me all night long. The One who kept guard and sent angels to fight battles that I know nothing of because He made sure I rested.

My first communication of this day was with my archenemy. I was standing with Satan himself, slandering the masterpiece of the Great Potter who crafted me purposefully and so intimately and lovingly. Of course this was not intentional, but that doesn’t matter either because it worked, and that is the whole goal of Satan. This is why he is so good at what he does.

He knows my name. He knows my weaknesses. He got me in my feelings, my flesh. That is right where he wants us. If he gets us in our feelings then we are going to try and fight him with our flesh. Wrong weapons. Fighting with the wrong weapons only furthers his plan. It takes our eyes off of him, which is our big red flag for ”spiritual battle” and points our focus at other people or things, but all in the earthly realm- not the spiritual realm. Instead of grabbing our Bible, and hitting our knees in prayer, very specific prayer, we find ourselves exhausting our energy, being angry at our spouse, friends, loved ones, children, ourselves, and maybe even at God. Bingo! He wants you alone.

He knows my name. Stop for one second here and consider this: Does Satan see more potential in you than you see in yourself? Why is he even bothering with you in the first place? What has he heard about you? What does he know that maybe you don’t know? If you knew what he knew, how differently would you step into those shoes that your Precious Father bought for you with the blood of His only Son?

Hear me loud and clear, friends: Satan is frightened by you! You could unravel his destructive plans. This is why he comes for you. He needs to destroy you before you destroy his plans. But when you place all of your faith in Jesus, he knows it is impossible to destroy you. Did you note that word there? ”Impossible”. You remember that. It is impossible for anyone or anything to steal you away from the lap of your Father. He holds you there tightly in His strong arms. So, stay there. Rest. Let your Father be the Sovereign God that He is, and you be you: His beloved child, whom He adores and will protect. We are safe there. No matter what our situation looks like. We are safe with our Father.

When the enemy sees us putting action behind our decree of faith, he feels threatened. He sees that we are in a partnership with God, and he knows he stands no chance. So, he jumps into the next best options: discouragement or distraction. Let me tell you, he has made it his business to know everthing there is to know about you. He has stalked you, and your family and close friends because he wants to know where you have a weak spot to target.

Remember this: once your posture becomes the reflection of your feelings, you have begun to hand the battle over to him. He got to you. Our feelings are not truths. Our feelings are unreliable sources of enlightenment. They kind of just blow wherever the wind takes them. Following them will find you lost. But boy are they powerful and pretty convincing!

That morning, when I decided to put my entire value in the number of a stupid scale, my feelings became a force to be reckoned with. In that moment, my posture changed. My vision changed and because of that, the course of my day changed. Just like that. I took a deep breath, threw on an oversized sweatshirt, and headed downstairs where my family was rummaging around in the kitchen. My husband, who got all the sleepyheads out of bed and got their breakfast made, left me to sleep a little longer. I think he felt sorry for me! The day before was Thursday, and on Thursdays I have 2 workouts. I meet with my amazing trainer and do strength training, and then I do cycling at home. When I tell you I crashed, I mean I was out!

So, here I am now with my sweet husband and three kiddos. They gave me the morning greetings as usual. Without fail, every morning my fourteen year old daughter says, ” Good morning! How’d you sleep?” I love that. I do. She doesn’t really do the hug or kiss thing anymore because shes a ”teenager” and that is just not cool, but this feels like a morning hug. So, I soak it in. My eight year old son always gives me a hug and kiss first thing in the morning. He is my baby. He is also almost my size! I literally can wear his shoes, and he is in 2nd grade! However, he is still my baby! Then there is the baby! My sour-patch toddler who is fierce, funny, and a force to be reckoned with! We laugh because her name is Hallie. It is derived from Hallelujah, meaning ”praise the Lord”, and let’s just say she doesn’t always act so heavenly! Haha! You know that ”threenager” stage. Yup! We are there! But she is such an incredible blessing. They all are.

On this particular morning, however, I was not present enough to soak that in. My mind was too preoccupied with all the ways that I am a failure. At this point I was thinking about how ridiculous I am to even entertain the idea of starting a blog. Who really would care about what I have to share? Nothing I do ever works, anyway. This will just be another thing to fail at. Remember what we talked about last week? “I’m not that one in a million.” My deeply embedded passion to write overshadowed by a deeply embedded fear of failure at it. So, the enemy starts whispering all of these failure-ridden thoughts at exactly the right moment, when my mind was already in a toxic place of discouragement. What’s so clever about this shift is that he knew that because of that seed that was planted in me as a child that halted my plans to pursue writing, I’d have plenty of ”evidence” to back up these loud whispers of defeat.

I’m going to say this very passingly right here because I’m going to do a whole post on this very topic, another thing I have learned firsthand: If you have children, and you want to rear them into becoming exactly the person that God specifically designed them to be, then you need to talk to God. You need to fervently pray about it, and ask God how to guide His children to the path that He paved for them. You don’t know what God’s plan is for your child unless you are raising them with Him, not on your own, with your own ideas. He may have planted a passion inside of them for a purpose, and you could unknowingly uproot it. You could unintentionally push them away from His calling on their life by not intentionally seeking His will and guidance step by step. I’ll just leave this right here, for now.

So many things were spiraling inside of my very busy brain, and I was too physically exhausted to offer any support in recharging my emotional fatigue. Everything was just unraveling. My toddler seemed to be sharing a very similiar bad attitude with me this particular day, the online version of schooling seemed to be an impossibility because even the internet was a hot mess this day, and both of my older children had no patience for it. For a moment I felt like I was just standing in the eye of a hurricane as I heard the piercing screams of a frustrated toddler throwing tantrums left and right. I see my eight year old in my periphial with his hands up in the air, and then slamming down on the table because of the glitching that was going on during his meeting. The dogs were chasing each other around the house playfully, but so chaotically. Sensory overload on a whole new level. You’ve never heard the impressive lungs of sweet Hallie, but if you had, you’d understand!

I got my bearings, put out those fires blazing around me as calmly as I could in the moment, (that may not be saying much, though) and things seemed to be calm for a moment. And then I hear the heavy footsteps coming from upstairs, and they were coming quickly. Here comes my fourteen year old and she was furious. The internet was going in and out and of course it was happening during her favorite class. And guess who’s fault that was apparently? Yup! Mom’s. I purposely sabotaged it to invite more chaos into the already tulmultuous morning.

The walls just kept caving in on me. I don’t know, maybe in that moment they just closed altogether. I was just done. Nothing was working. And I was also sure that nothing was going to work either. I sat down at the breakfast table where my ipad was sitting, taunting me. I chuckled at first. The thought that I could actually work in this frame of mind was laughable. And that is when I felt God tell me to write about it. Be real. Be honest. Share this. I can’t be the only one. I wasn’t going to stay stuck in this moment. So, I obliged.

“Take a decisive stand against him and resist his every attack with strong, vigorous faith. For you know that your believing brothers and sisters around the world are experiencing the same kinds of troubles you endure.”- 1Peter 5:9

*Suffering in part, comes from the activity of the devil. There are sufferings that must be resisted in faith, as part of an attack from our adversary.*- footnote by Dr. Brian Simmons, translator of The Passion Translation of the New Testament 2020 Edition

As I began to lay it all out there, I started to see it all. The verses that I had been studying while writing ”Holy Carrots” were glistening all of a sudden to reveal the treasure that they are. The notes I had taken, seemingly so random throughout the week, suddenly had purpose. The particular books that I had been reading shifted from ”good information” to crucial intelligence. I was having flashbacks of certain things that my pastor said during service the prior week that now spoke directly to my core. I could see it now. I was not alone. My Father was preparing me for this particular day. Once I realized that, everything changed. The chaos surrounding me didn’t necessarily change, but my interpretation of it did, though.

The squeals and laughter, the sound of noisy toys going off, the dogs little paws racing across the hardwood, faintly in the background I could hear the deep basey sounds of the tuba my teenager was playing in her virtual band class, even the frustrations, distracting as they may be, blessing and favor was all around me. And I was flooded with gratefulness.

“And then, after your brief suffering, the God of all loving grace, who has called you to share in His eternal glory in Christ, will personally and powerfully restore you and make you stronger than ever. Yes, He will set you firmly in place and build you up. And He has all the power needed to do this-forever! Amen.”- 1 Peter 5:10-11

<From left to right: Vinny, Me, Daddy holding Hallie, and Amaya >

All week I had been emptying junk that was weighing me down and keeping me stuck. Some of this I had been collecting since I was a little girl. But it doesn’t matter how long we have been carrying it around, we can lay it down now. Empty it out to allow space for the treasure God has for you. He wants to fill you with it, but you have to be able to receive it.

“So then faith eliminates the distinction between Jew and non-Jew, for He is the same Lord for all people. And He has enough treasures to lavish generously upon all who call on Him.” -Romans 10:12

So, I’m going to say it one more time. He knows your name. But he only knows it because he has heard it loud and clear in Heavenly places. When you find yourself in the midst of battle, stay postured in full confidence that the King of Kings lives inside of you. He has full authority over your enemy, and on His command, it is done.

“And the God of peace will swiftly pound Satan to a pulp under your feet. And the wonderful favor of our Lord Jesus will surround you.”- Romans 16:20

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come to you humbled by the lengths and depths that You love us, just as we are. We thank You that we are strengthened by your unfailing grace in every season and every situation we endure. We come to you, weary. You know the anxieties and the frustrations of our hearts, and we ask You, Father, to just speak. One word from you, and everything changes. You have authority over it all and so we ask You, Father, to strengthen us to endure until You speak the word. Scoop us up in Your strong right arm, and place us safely in Your mercy seat as we rest in our faith during our battles. Keep us aware of our posture, that sometimes wants to crumble like the dust of our frame, that it may be held straight up by our faith in You. We love you so much Father. In Jesus’ precious name we pray. Amen.

Be Blessed Friends!

-xoxo-

-Bethany Hope